Mary Roufa (ROO-FA), Miriam Feiga bas Moshe, was a remarkable woman.
She was intelligent, independent, strong-willed, creative, and had a wonderful sense of humor. She was someone who knew what she believed in and certainly wasn’t afraid to express herself.
But beyond all of those qualities, what came through most clearly in speaking with her family was how much she loved being a wife, a mother, a Bubby, and a Great-Bubby.
And I think that is what we want to remember about Mary today. Not simply the things she accomplished, although there were many, but the person she was, the family she loved, and the memories she leaves behind.
In Pirkei Avos, our sages teach us:
בֶּן שְׁמוֹנִים לַגְּבוּרָה
At eighty, a person reaches the age of strength.
Mary was eighty years old when she passed away. And when we look back at her life, I think the word gevurah, strength, describes her beautifully.
Mary’s life began under extraordinary circumstances.
She was born on March 15, 1946, in Czechoslovakia, less than a year after the end of the Holocaust.
Her parents, Moric Kessler and Carolina Kinderman, were both Holocaust survivors. Their families had suffered unimaginable losses, including two young boys who were murdered by the Nazis.
Yet despite everything they had endured, her parents found the strength to begin again.
Her father returned to their village, restored the family home, and helped rebuild the local synagogue.
According to the family’s recollection, Mary was the first Jewish baby born in that village after the Holocaust.
And remarkably, she was born on Purim.
The family shared that Jews who had survived and returned to the village gathered in her family’s home to hear the reading of the Megillah.
There is a beautiful pasuk in the Megillah:
לַיְּהוּדִים הָיְתָה אוֹרָה וְשִׂמְחָה וְשָׂשֹׂן וִיקָר
For the Jewish people there was light, joy, gladness, and honor.
I think that pasuk captures something very special about the circumstances of Mary’s birth. After everything her parents had experienced, her birth represented a new generation and a new beginning.
And from those remarkable beginnings, Mary went on to live a life that was very much her own.
When she was approximately three years old, her family came to America, and she grew up in Chicago.
Mary was exceptionally bright, particularly in mathematics.
She studied at the Illinois Institute of Technology and originally wanted to become an engineer.
But in those days, women did not always have the same opportunities that they have today.
Mary was not someone who readily accepted limitations placed upon her.
Her children shared that she deliberately refused to learn how to type because she did not want anyone assuming that she would become a secretary.
That story reflects something important about Mary’s character. She knew her abilities, she had strong convictions, and she was determined to make her own decisions about her future.
She eventually became a mathematics teacher and continued her education. Teaching would become an important part of her life.
But perhaps the most important thing that happened during those years was that she met a young man named Alan Roufa.
They were both studying mathematics at the Illinois Institute of Technology.
Although they shared that common interest, their personalities were quite different.
Mary was outgoing, energetic, expressive, and outspoken.
Alan was quieter, more reserved, and thoughtful.
And from everything the family shared with me, they complemented one another beautifully.
Mary brought enthusiasm, ideas, and energy into their relationship. Alan provided a steady and calming presence.
Together, they built a marriage that lasted approximately fifty-five years.
One of the things that came through so clearly when I spoke with their children was just how much Mary and Alan loved one another.
Their marriage was a true partnership, built upon love, respect, and a deep commitment to one another.
Together, they raised their three children, Michelle, Sharon, and Michael.
They created a home filled with Jewish traditions, hospitality, creativity, and wonderful family memories.
Their home was a place where others were always welcome.
The family remembered Pesach Sedarim with as many as thirty people sitting around the table, including family members, friends, college students, and others who were invited to share Yom Tov with them.
They welcomed people into their sukkah and made Jewish traditions an important part of their family life.
One of the memories Mary’s children shared was how special Pesach was in their home.
The children remembered how the Afikoman became an opportunity for some rather unusual family traditions.
Instead of asking for presents, they sometimes asked their parents to put on performances.
Mary and Alan willingly participated, including a musical presentation of Yetzias Mitzrayim and even a pretend water ballet.
These are the kinds of memories that remain with a family throughout their lives.
They reflect the warmth of the home Mary and Alan created, their willingness to share in their children’s creativity, and the joy they found in being together.
And ultimately, these are among the most meaningful things parents leave their children — not material possessions, but memories of love, family, and time spent together.
Mary was also deeply committed to Jewish education.
While living in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, she helped establish the Lancaster Jewish Day School and served as its principal.
She believed that education should be meaningful and engaging.
She created her own teaching materials and found imaginative ways to help children understand and appreciate what they were learning.
She also taught adults and was actively involved in Jewish communal life.
Mary was a woman of strong convictions. She believed in taking an active role in the things that mattered to her and was not afraid to express her views.
She had a deep appreciation for music and the arts.
She enjoyed singing, playing piano, and studying art. Her creativity was reflected not only in her interests but also in the way she approached teaching and family life.
But when I spoke with her children, it became clear that while Mary accomplished many things throughout her lifetime, nothing was more important to her than her family.
Mary and Alan were blessed with three children, eleven grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren.
And Mary absolutely loved being a Bubby.
In fact, she had her own special name for watching her grandchildren.
She called it “Bubbysitting.”
It was a role that brought her tremendous happiness.
Her grandchildren knew that spending time with Bubby was something special.
And apparently, some of the usual rules were a little different at Bubby’s house.
Ice cream for breakfast, for example, was perfectly acceptable.
These were expressions of the affection and warmth she had for her grandchildren.
She enjoyed being part of their lives, sharing experiences with them, and watching them grow.
And she had the additional blessing of becoming a Great-Bubby.
There is a beautiful pasuk in Tehillim:
וּרְאֵה בָנִים לְבָנֶיךָ שָׁלוֹם עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל
May you live to see the children of your children, and peace upon Israel.
Mary was blessed to see her children grow into adulthood, to know her grandchildren, and to welcome great-grandchildren into the family.
And I believe that was among the greatest blessings of her life.
Because when we reflect upon a person’s life, we recognize that our most enduring legacy is often found not in our professional accomplishments or the positions we held, but in the relationships we built and the love we shared with others.
Mary and Alan had hoped to enjoy their retirement years together.
They had plans to travel, take cruises, and spend time enjoying the life they had worked so hard to build.
Unfortunately, those plans changed when Alan developed Parkinson’s disease.
Mary became his caregiver, and the years that followed brought challenges neither of them had anticipated.
When Alan passed away in March of 2020, it was an enormous loss for Mary.
After approximately fifty-five years of marriage, she had lost the man who had been her partner and companion for most of her adult life.
The family shared how deeply she missed him.
Koheles teaches us:
לַכֹּל זְמָן וְעֵת לְכָל חֵפֶץ תַּחַת הַשָּׁמָיִם
There is a time for everything, and a season for every purpose beneath the heavens.
There are times of happiness and times of sadness.
Times when we celebrate together, and times when we must say goodbye.
And today is one of those difficult times.
But as we remember Mary, alongside the sadness of her passing, we can also reflect with gratitude upon the life she lived and the memories she leaves behind.
Mary was a woman of intelligence, determination, and conviction.
She was a teacher who cared deeply about education and Jewish life.
She was a devoted wife who shared a loving marriage with Alan.
She was a mother who helped create a home filled with Jewish traditions, hospitality, and meaningful family experiences.
And she was a Bubby and Great-Bubby who took tremendous pleasure in her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
To Michelle, Sharon, Michael, and the entire family:
The loss of a mother is never easy.
No matter how old we become, our mother remains an important part of who we are. She is connected to our earliest memories, our childhood, and the traditions that helped shape our lives.
Mary leaves you with the love she gave, the values she taught, and the many experiences you shared together. Those are things that will always remain part of your family.
May you find comfort in knowing how deeply she loved each of you, and may you draw strength from one another during this difficult time. May her soul be bound in the bond of eternal life.
Graveside Service for Mrs. Roufa will be held 1:00 PM, Sunday, October 18, 2026 at Congregation Ohev Shalom Cemetery (6034 Old Winter Garden Road, Orlando, FL) with Rabbi Jeff Chaitoff officiting.
Service entrusted to Beth Shalom Memorial Chapel, 933 Lee Road, Suite 101, Orlando, Florida 407-599-1180.
